There is a saying by Tony Robbins, the entrepreneur and life coach, which goes: Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.
If you’ve been in a committed relationship with your partner for several years, by now you know each other’s likes and dislikes. You know his triggers and how to calm him down when he is upset. As a couple, you’ve established patterns and your relationship is emotionally more stable. This state of calm and peace is a great springboard for more. However, a possible flip side of consistency is that the “surprise” element and initial thrill that comes with learning new information in a relationship have dissipated.
Here are some tips for reigniting your relationship and bringing back some of the spark:
- Switch it up: Try different restaurants in different neighborhoods. Instead of watching Netflix after dinner to unwind, play a board game or ask each other new questions. Instead of going to your regular date night venue on a Friday evening, mix it up a bit. Meet your man at a cocktail lounge, perhaps in a different part of town, and start the night with a bit of mystery and intrigue.
- Create a shared activity: It’s okay to have different interests and hobbies. After all, you were two independent people with specific likes and dislikes before you came together. However, studies have shown that if you, go to the gym to work out together, or carve out time to go rock climbing or take a cooking class together – something out of your norm as a couple - you create a bond and a deeper connection.
- Make your partner a priority again: With a certain comfort level, it’s easy to slack off and take your relationship for granted. You’re not trying as hard to “impress” because you have your mate. This person isn’t going anywhere any time soon. However, one of the most common complaints from women is that they are no longer the main priority. Women ALWAYS want to feel like they are the most important part of someone’s life, ahead of his career, friends and hobbies. How are you showing up every day for your partner? How are you expressing that your partner matters? It can be as simple as a midday text saying, “thinking of you.” It’s not rocket science. You don’t have to spend money to make someone feel special.
Make time for discovery: Make sure you set aside a weekend every six to eight weeks to just sit down together (without distractions), to really catch-up and to talk openly
about any recent trials and tribulations. In the business of the day-to-day, a majority of our conversations can be driven by logistics: what time we are meeting for dinner; when the friend’s
birthday party is; who is picking up the dry cleaning; how work was, etc. We have to make time to reconnect or continually connect with our partner by asking questions. For instance, what
challenges have you gone through recently? What are your dreams? What would make this year your best year yet? What are you afraid of? How can I show up for you in even more meaningful ways?
How do you think our relationship is going? What have you enjoyed? What do you think has been a challenge for
Note: This is not the right venue to complain and air grievances. This is a time to share openly and reconnect.
At the end of the day, you get back what you invest. If you care about your relationship, if you want to make your partner a priority, then show up every single day. If your partner needs more quality time from you, make time. If your partner needs a night out because he has been working really hard recently, surprise him with a nice homemade meal or a boys’ night out. If you haven’t spent quality time together, plan a short weekend away. You don’t have to go far to make it worth your while. And, make sure to put your phones down!
Years will go by and one day you’ll wake up next to your love thinking either, “Gosh, I can’t believe I’m the luckiest person in the world” OR “Who is this person next to me?”
Taking the long view means making short efforts before it’s too late.
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