What Men Want (to feel)
Back in May, I wrote a blog about what men really need. This week, I am continuing that conversation with a blog about what men want to feel in their relationships, especially from a woman vying to become a serious long-term partner. Essentially, men want to feel valued for who they are. In this way, they are not unlike most women who want to be loved just as they are (not skinnier or taller). While women bring different values to a relationship, it is the coming together of the yin and yang that makes a relationship greater than the sum of its parts.
Initially, your man will take the courageous step of initiating a conversation because he finds you attractive. Remember, he is approaching a stranger who could reject him and stomp on his ego – let’s give him some credit. Assessing a woman’s long-term viability, however, is a different matter. Sure, most men want a smart, successful and confident woman but even smart, successful and confident women won’t succeed if they make him feel badly about himself and his contribution to the relationship. A man wants to be with a woman who makes him FEEL special and needed. Good looks, a sense of humor or a bit of quirkiness may get you to the first conversation. Making your man feel special and needed will move you to serious contender category, meaning marriage or long-term commitment. How do you know if your man feels special and needed?
1. Your man wants to make you happy. Yes, believe it or not, men want to please women. Let’s think about this. Men are driven to work really hard. Why? Because they want to be successful. They want to be successful because they want to buy nice cars and toys. They want to buy nice things because they want to impress women. Everything men do is to impress women. It sounds simple and it is, ladies. Women hold all the power in relationships, by the way. So, if you’re constantly complaining about something in your relationship, eventually the message that he is not good enough will seep deep into the recesses of his soul. No man wants to be around someone who makes him feel inadequate.
2. Your man wants to take care of you and protect you. Ladies, we can take care of ourselves. We are amazing, powerful and self-sufficient beings. These factors have nothing to do with anything. In relationships, we want to be able to put our guard down and make our man feel needed. Even though you can open the jar of pickles, ask your man to do it. Ask him to open the bottle of wine even if you can. If he offers to pick up groceries on the way home, say ‘yes,’ even if he may bring lemons instead of limes. If some guy at the bar is hitting on you, let your man rise to your defense. Sure, we can take care of ourselves and as a fiercely independent woman I get that. However, I also get that relationship success is a balancing act. It’s a combination of exerting my strengths along with my femininity. Make sense?
3. Your man wants to feel masculine not emasculated. Your man wants to provide for you financially, emotionally and physically. If you’re constantly harping on him to get a better job or to get in better shape or to pick up after his things, ask yourself this: Why did you settle down with him? This is more about your choices in men and not so much about a man’s inherent tendencies. Secondly, the things you are riding him about – do these things really matter? Ask yourself, “Will this really matter in five or 10 years?” As a super organized neat freak, I get it. But you know what? I don’t complain about picking up my man’s clothes off the floor. I just do it. This way, the place is neat the way I like it and I don’t have to nag him about something he doesn’t care about. Pick your battles and make compromises on what truly does not matter in the long term.
4. Your man wants you to believe in him. He wants to know that you have faith in him and his ability to achieve any goal he is pursuing seriously. If he is saving for a house or a nice vacation, believe that he can make those things happen. When you talk about your future, express that you have his back no matter what. He wants you to believe in him and be his biggest champion. Don’t you want that from your best friend? So, why wouldn’t you want the same from someone with whom you are considering spending the rest of your life?
The success of your relationship comes down to simple but effective shifts in your approach. ‘Simple’ does not mean easy, by the way. Remember, it’s not the Herculean tasks or milestone events, such as a dream vacation, that will make your relationship a success. Sure, dream vacations are nice, but what takes you the distance are simple, small and consistent gestures that add up to making your man feel, “You’re special and you’re needed.”
P.S. I'm here to support your journey toward living your most authentic and powerful life by providing effective strategies, encouragement and accountability for relationship success. Contact me for a complimentary assessment.
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