“Where The Good Men Are”
In a city of 8.5 million people, men are everywhere, even the good ones. Yes, it’s true, eligible single men are among us every day. But they won’t fall into your lap if you’re sitting on your couch in your pajamas, eating take out Thai food and watching Netflix. You have to actually leave your apartment and go to places, new places, where potential dates lurk all around.
Yes, dating apps are a reality in today’s fast paced, FOMO driven world. However, dating apps are just one of many tools available to us single women and men seeking a partner. Let’s leverage what’s available and make the most of it every. single. day.
Here is where you can maximize your chances of meeting single eligible men:
- Meetup.com, networking events, charitable functions and volunteer events: These socially driven events are a great way to meet people who are outside of your personal network. They are also a fantastic way to expand your horizon. Don’t sign up for a women-only book club if you want a high ratio of men. For example, the tech and start-up meet-up events often sell out in advance and the ratio of men to women is disproportionate to usual ratios in New York City, meaning there are more men than women. You can kill two birds with one stone: you can learn something new about an area outside of your expertise (unless fintech is your area of expertise) and you can have access to a plethora of interesting, educated, employed men. Once you’re in this pool, it’s up to you to take advantage of your surroundings: Use your charm. Be social. Talk to people.
- Starbucks and grocery stores: From the minute you walk out of your door to the minute you get home, you invariably will be waiting in a line either for coffee, at Whole foods, a book store, the farmers market, you name it. The possibilities are endless. Go out each and every day with the intention of meeting new people. This requires you to pay attention, to look the part - don’t go out dressed like a bum; and to speak the part - talk to people in front or behind you. If you’re at Wholefoods, for instance, ask about something in the person’s cart – “hey, I’ve been meaning to try the veggie burgers – how do you like them?” It’s not hard if you choose to pay attention.
The key here is to smile, make eye contact and be approachable. Do not stand in line with headphones on, or be so focused on your Instagram feed that you forget you’re among the living.
- Bars: Yes, you can meet interesting men at bars, including sports bars. Do you know how I know this? Because people like me, along with all my friends, both male and female, who are employed, educated and interesting, go to these types of places regularly. Go to happy hour after work. Make time to stop by a bar near your workplace where other professionals are gathering to partake in the fun. There is no shortage of happy hours in a place like New York and the opportunities abound.
Again, the key here is to be approachable: catch the eye of someone interesting; hold eye contact for a few seconds, and then smile. Women open the door for men to approach them. Men, I don’t care if they are the president of a Fortune 50 company, typically will not approach unless you give cues or an opening. No man wants to approach you, take the risk and be rejected in public. By the way, give cues and make them obvious.
- Churches, synagogues, spiritual institutions: You’ll be surprised how many established, well-rounded New Yorkers, including men who work on Wall Street (for some reason, they get a bad rap), go to church and church-like places, such as meditation centers and yoga retreats. Men who attend these types of services are not “dorks” and they are not “weird.” They look just like us: normal, hard-working, professional with a spiritual bent – even better. It’s a non-threatening environment in which to get to know someone better. Go to their coffee hour after service. Sign up for events. Even better, get your spiritual fill for the week.
- Dating apps: Yes, dating apps are useful. However, it is one of many tools at our disposal. In today’s faced paced reality, we have access to more people globally than we would otherwise have time to meet. Use this to your advantage. But know how to vet potential dates effectively (email Eunice@artofdatingnyc.com for a free consultation) and don’t let the process of using dating apps become overwhelming. Remember, you’re not at the disposal of the dating apps; the apps are at your disposal and choosing.
Bottom line: the moment you walk out the door, you will come across thousands of people from all walks of life. Many of them are also looking for someone special. Pay attention to your daily habits. Do things outside of our comfort zone: take a different route to work; go by yourself to a restaurant you’ve wanted to try and sit at the bar to eat; and most importantly, be approachable. Be social. Make eye contact with people. Smile. Look presentable. If you live in a neighborhood full of families with children, explore outside of your neighborhood. Leaving your five-block radius will not kill you. On the contrary, it will expand your horizon; you might learn something new; make a new friend or even meet your potential mate, all under the guise of fun. The first step is to leave your apartment. It’s not that hard. You just have to make the effort.
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